Eating in Malvern

As we all know, there are several places to eat out in Malvern. There are only a few places that I recommend though (although if anybody would like to suggest any more, then you know who to e-mail). And they are (of course):

The Burger Star

Looks a bit dingy from the outside and is full of lots of teenagers on occasion. However, about round tea time it goes a little quiet and if you're in the neighbourhood, then you might see the contents of 11, Richmond road enjoying a quick bite. The food is not overly cheap and not overly expensive with the Giant Star burger (recommended) at about £2.70 which is ok. They have the days papers if you would care to read the news without the bother of having to wipe your fingers after the meal as well. The staff are polite and even (dare I say it) friendly on occasion. They don't mind if you mess your order up and change it. There is a range of stuff to put on your burger/fries/deadchickenbits eg Tomato sauce etc which are free. All very twee I here you say, but what's the down side?

The down side is that it's in the middle of Malvern Link, which, if you aren't, is quite some way to go. The drinks are in a can and cost you 50p but at least you know they're not watered down (ala McD's). The fries portions are quite small but the burgers are large.

I'd give the Burger Star about 8/10 because of the seats and friendly staff.

Jack's Fish Bar

Jack's Fish bar is just off Barnard's Green at the bottom of Malvern. The Jack's special is particularaly recommended at only 1.90 for a decent sized double cheese burger. The drinks are (again) in cans but who's complaining. Apart from the fact that it's in the middle of nowhere, and there's no where to sit (except from on the bench outside - Brrrr) there's not a lot to complain about. As long as you get the girls, then the staff are quite friendly, infact Garath says they were really nice, but we all know about him. Oh, and if the little kid is serving then go elsewhere, he charged somebody 320 for a burger and chips. Doh!. Oh, and Martin says don't have the BBQ sauce. It looked and tasted quite nasty. Oh and avoid the chips too. They're a bit nasty.

I'd give Jack's Fish Bar about 9/10 because it was very cheap, and because Gareth fancied the assistants and has been going on at me for ages.

Graham Rd Chippy

Ok, you know the scenario, we're all a little tipsy, and we're hungry on the way home from the top of Malvern. So where do you go? Well you go to the little chippy on the way home. (Why am I telling you all of this? you know it already?)

The chips are nice (when chips are in season) and so are the kebabs. All in all, not a lot I can remember about this place really. I suppose you can sit down there? The staff appear quite friendly and it's not all that expensive although I can't really remember. The Chilli sauce is very (very [very]) hot and I only recommend it if you're blind drunk. We tried it last night. Had an awful hangover this morning.

The downside of this place is that I can't remember the name since I've always been drunk when walking past it.

All in all, I'd give the Graham Rd Fishy 9/10 becuase the food's always ok, there are seats and they do a kicking chilli sauce.


A Balti house somewhere up near the Red Lion. They serve balti's; what did you expect. The service is good, and the cost is fair if you don't go there very often. HOWEVER, we do have to warn you, the last time that we all went, nobody left the top of malvern without suffering some unhygeenic bodily failier. Most notably BenF who sprayed the common liberally. Other symptoms were heavy drunkedness and sick feeling. By the time we'd got down to the morgan though we were feeling ok again and stopped for a pint.

I don't know whether to recommend Rileys or not, so you can't hold me responsible for mass food poisoning. Oh yeah, you can bring your own larger, we made quite a mountain until somebody knocked it over.

I'd give Rileys 1 on a bad day, and 5 if you're not violently sick because the food tasted quite nice.

Mike's House

Mike's (and Ben's and Dave's) house is a small semidetached house down at barnards green. Last time we were there, they served up a pasta bake, unfortunatly, there was nothing to drink so we had to go out again to buy in some larger. The cost was very low, and thus I recommend this place if you're on a buget, and the quality was good. Unfortunatly, the staff were unfriendly and unhelpful and there weren't enough chairs for everybody. They do however allow you to bring your own drink in and I would recommend against their home brew.

I'd give Mike's house a good 9 because the food was good and cheep but the staff were unfriendly, unhelpful (and really ugly too).

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Page last Altered Tuesday 28th January 1997